Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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