May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
there's paper in my vomit.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
