no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
