Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
