Who did Billy Mays play for?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
