With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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