I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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