i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
