The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
