Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
