I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
