Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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