So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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