I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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