Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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