we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
