You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
