Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
What drink are we having for lunch?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
