oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
