she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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