i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
