He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
