remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
