Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
he fucked my hip out of place.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize