why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
