I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Found the puke drawer
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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