So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
