My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
