so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
