Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
why is half of my head shaved?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
