I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
