the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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