you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
