Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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