so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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