I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
