ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
