If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
And then he peed in my hair
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