Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
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She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
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He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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