Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
