rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize