the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just invented taco cereal.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
