he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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