He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
