i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
