please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
