I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
