This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
