True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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