Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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