It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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