I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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