you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
