i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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