I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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