At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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