Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Your cock deserves a montage
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I got inside last night via doggy door
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
