Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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