Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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