Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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