Don't you send me to vm
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
