The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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