i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
