Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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