Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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