the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
