Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
