Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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